Hanging Hearts

Over this past year I have had a heaviness settle around me. It came about so gradually that I can't pin point when it started. It was a culmination of many little things adding up to a big thing.

I won't get into all the nitty gritty little things right now because I want this to be a quick uplifting post. Suffice it to say that I was under attack. I was under attack and didn't even know it! I should have known it, and I should have been prepared for it, but I wasn't.

Last year, I started a blog after feeling led to do so by the Holy Spirit. I did not and still do not consider myself a writer, so I knew that the desire to start a blog and share my life stories were from a higher up source than just myself. I am a huge procrastinator as well and took my time in publishing my first post. Because I am not a writer, I rely on God to give me the words and themes for my posts, and man, does He ever deliver when I am in tune with Him. As I started to write and share my stories I felt wonderful and infused with love and joy 24/7. Joy would bubble up in my chest and explode out of me in the form of a really big smile, and a spring in my step. I felt overwhelming love and peace from the Lord and this exuded into all of my interactions with people.

During this time, I took my eyes off of Jesus and listened to the enemy who kept whispering in my ear, "you're not good enough", "you don't have anything worthwhile to say", "no one takes you seriously", and "no one is going to listen to you". I started second guessing myself and doubt came seeping in through all the cracks in my armour.

Every time I thought about writing, I would find a chore to keep me busy and away from my pen. The longer this went on, the worse I felt and the more I would beat myself up with guilt and doubt. My thoughts were really confusing because I knew the love of Christ but my mind kept doubting it. So I gave up on writing and floundered for a bit, treading water in my faith, knowing that God has a plan for me, but wondering if I messed it up and missed my moment.

During this past year, God has kept showing me his love and kindness, even in my darkness. He has opened doors for me that I have stepped through. A new job in my old organization. A learning course on Herbal Medicine. A new joy of learning the plants and the medicines they provide us. I have a renewed sense of purpose and excitement and a feeling of "Home".

God chooses the simplest things to show us his love and he delights in it. Things have been steadily looking up over the past few months and I'm emerging from my cloud of self-doubt and lethargy with new hope and passion to show love to others. While I was out fishing with my husband (one of our favourite past times), and his parents, God hung hearts in the clouds to remove the veil from my eyes so I could see his love for me clearly. Everywhere I looked that day, I found hearts! And every time I saw a heart, my chest would leap with Joy. Thank you, Lord, for your unfailing love and impeccable timing!