Changing Unwanted Thoughts

I don’t know about you, but I have these thoughts that enter my mind that I have no idea where they came from.  They can range from positive and good to negative and destructive thoughts about myself, others and situations.  Sometimes they can be surprising and completely take me off guard and they can also be disturbing in nature and shock me.  “How can I think these thoughts?  I am such a horrible person!!  What is wrong with me?”  I would ask myself these questions and I didn’t have an answer to them.  The thoughts were persistent and kept popping into my mind with no rhyme or reason.  To be absolutely honest, I’ve had these thoughts for as long as I can remember and just accepted them as my own.  It has only been in the last few years that I have actually found the courage to start questioning them.

When a friends face or name pops into my mind, I make an effort to reach out to that person.  The response from these interactions are usually positive and many times, my friend lets me know that they appreciated the text or call because they were struggling in that moment and needed a friend.  I call these types of thoughts “Gods Nudges”, and I have learned to always reach out when they happen.

Another type of thought that invades my mind leads to self-consciousness.  These thoughts happen primarily when I have to be in public spaces.  They make me feel like everyone is watching me and this leads to embarrassment for absolutely no reason.  I can be walking down the street or in the grocery store and I won’t look up for fear that I will have to interact with someone.  It changes the way I walk into a room and steals my confidence.  A few years ago I was able to get a grip on this type of thought process and I have been working on laughing at myself and letting them go.  How absolutely conceited of me to think that everyone else’s lives revolve around mine!  And how ridiculous to let them steal my peace.  These thoughts stole my confidence and changed the way I interacted with others.  Even if people were watching me, what did it matter?  I decided to be ME, no matter what.  Now I can walk into a room with my head up and a smile on my face.  I can be confident in who I am and greet people warmly.  If the greeting isn’t reciprocated, instead of letting my mind go to the negative, I think positive thoughts into that persons situation and say a little prayer of blessing on them.  Instead of internalizing their reaction, I can now use it to bless them and let it go.

I also try to always “Assume Good Intent" in all interactions.  This simply means that I am always assuming that the other person has good intentions and their reactions are determined by a situation in their life that they might need grace over.  People aren’t out there intentionally trying to make our days horrible.  They may have spilled their coffee that morning or lost a pet or received bad news about a loved one.  I now go out of my way to smile and bring light to people’s days.

Back to the thoughts in our own heads.  Ok, so this next one is so important to recognize.  If we don’t recognize them, they can be crippling to our lives and the way we live.  I have heard them labelled “Intrusive Thoughts” and that is very accurate.  They can also be labelled “Destructive Thoughts”.  These are the ones that, if we internalize them, can alter our actions, our mental and emotional health and cause destructive behaviours.

These thoughts pop into our heads from absolutely nowhere!  They can be sexual in nature, violent or deviant.  Just not your normal thoughts or things you would think.  They are also pretty graphic, which makes them so intense.

At first, they are shocking and you wonder why your brain just thought it.  But the thing that happens with this type of thought, if you dwell on them, internalize them or give them any kind of time, they can take over your actions.  They can make you consider doing things that go completely against your values and morals.  They normalize behaviours and make it easier to give in to temptation.  They can lead to a whole slew of things that steal the peace and joy in our lives.

Opening up to others about these thoughts is a very difficult thing to do.  I was embarrassed to talk about the thoughts that entered my mind.  We all have these thoughts but I didn’t know this!  It was the shame that came with these thoughts that prevented me from talking about them.

When I finally had the courage to open up about them to a person I trusted for guidance, I was so relieved to find out that everyone experiences them to some degree during their lives.  This is something that is common and I am not a horrible person!!!  Since this realization, I have developed strategies to not dwell on them or internalize them.  I’m here to tell you that it is so freeing to know that there are ways to break free from the shame these thoughts bring with them.

The main strategy that I use works well for me, but it may not work well for everyone.  I will share my strategy with you, but first I want to introduce you to a podcast that focused an episode on this topic.  The podcast is called ‘The Daily Grace’ and the episode is number 226. ‘Changing Unwanted Thoughts’. It was aired March 21, 2023 and in this episode Krystal chats with the author Esther Smith on her book “A Still and Quiet Mind”. I encourage you to check out the podcast episode, and also to look into Esther Smith’s book. You can order it here.

The strategy that I have been using to deal with these thoughts is quite simple.  When an intrusive thought enters my mind, I don’t try to push it out quickly, hoping I don’t think about it anymore.  We all know that the more we try to not think about something, the more we actually do think about it.  Instead, I acknowledge the thought.  I give it my full attention in that moment.  It’s what I do next that is key for me.  I actively, in my mind, reject the thought and give it to God.  If the thought persists, I repeat the process and pray.  When I first started doing this, it felt like a constant thing and I questioned if it was really working.  But as I persisted in the process and trained my brain to not internalize them, the thoughts entered my mind less and less.

Of course these types of thoughts still enter my mind, but now I have the tools to recognize them for what they are and how to deal with them.

If you are experiencing crippling thoughts, please know that you are not alone or the only one having them.  We all experience them to some degree.  Don’t let the shame of these thoughts stop you from reaching out for help if you can’t break free from them on your own.  Check out ‘The Daily Grace’ podcast, episode # 226 ‘Changing Unwanted Thoughts' as well as the book ‘A Still and Quiet Mind’ by Esther Smith.  Reach out to a trusted friend or councillor.  Find the support you need to break free.

As I was writing this post a passage from the Bible came to me through a book I was reading and it speaks directly to this issue.

2 Corinthians 10:3-5 (NLT)

3. We are human, but we don’t wage war as humans do.

4. We use God’s mighty weapons, not worldly weapons, to knock down the strongholds of human reasoning and to destroy false arguments.

5. We destroy every proud obstacle that keeps people from knowing God.  We capture their rebellious thoughts and teach them to obey Christ.

Disclosure: Some of the links in this post are affiliate links. This means that, at zero cost to you, I will earn an affiliate commission if you click through the link and finalize a purchase.

The Daily Grace Podcast can be found the iTunes and Spotify platforms.